How To Time Travel ~ Going Overseas

kitteh-stinkeye-off-lap

Vancouver Isn’t Beautiful, it’s The North Shore

For those of you who have been lied to, Vancouver is not actually beautiful. Truth. Don’t believe me?

Think of the iconic photos of the mountains.

Hate to break it to you, but there are no mountains in Vancouver. What ~ or should I say where ~ you’re looking at is the North Shore (or simply “the Shore”). The Shore, as locals (and not so locals who want to be locals) refer to it, is that reverent landscape.

I know it may seem like trivial, but those who live here know the two sides are as different as night and day. Cassette tapes and Compact Diskettes (CDs).  VHS and Beta. Corn Flakes and scab collections. OK, maybe not so much the last when in the context of opposites.

Jus’ sayin’.

*This was originally written Feb 04, 2015. Oops. But hey, I’m not so ‘fraid to SpeakUp now.

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I Haz Webz… For Now

  • I have committed to being a “writer”.
  • I have multiple websites, most are half-a$$ed
  • I have lofty goals… including: having multiple sites that to my two hosted sites (all of which have witty urls, except one)
  • I finally took the jump on The Bandwagon… figuratively. There’s no way my short legs and dismal coordination could possibly succeed
  • I have an alter ego named Poop. He’s a crocheted poop that (who?) travels with The Husband and tweets funny stuff & photos. Like Simon Whitfield did with a gnome-napped… gnome

Dead K.I.T.T.-Teh

*SORRY for not posting this earlier…*

I’ve been trying to teach K.I.T.T.-Teh tricks.

Not too bright, this one.

Ok, perhaps not stupid per se, but stubborn.

Maybe not that either.

I’ll let you (You People) define for yourself. And myself.

Then share your suggestion in comments.

Here’s the situation

(My parents wet away on a week’s vacation… 817 Awesome Points : Name That Tune)

  1. K.I.T.T.-Teh loooooves Temptations treats. As in, Shake. ag » appears within 5 seconds. We counted. And she’s going full speed.
  2. Thus far she is definitively trained* to do the following: High Fives, stand up (on hind legs, at least 3 seconds) That’s it. Two tricks.
  3. Dead Cat trick: “gun” hand sign. say “bang bang, dead cat while moving hand down.

Trained = consistently responds with correct response 80% of the time,. within 5 seconds of giving the instruction)

Cowbells and Parallel Universes

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K.I.T.T.-Teh's Parallel Universe: This, is The Best Thing In The World! Shiny round ball! Shiny round ball!

K.I.T.T.-Teh’s Parallel Universe: This, is The Best Thing In The World! Shiny round ball! Shiny round ball!

K.I.T.T.-Teh/Velcro Cat/Love Sponge has been snuggling by my side sleeping. Furry things make me sweaty, but it’s another rainy North Van Winter Special today ~ I’ve decided I don’t mind too much.

The Husband is in Belgium, in some hyphenated named town for his job with Cycling Canada as Head Mountain Bike Mechanic. It’s the end of the CX (cyclocross) season; UCI World Cup race this weekend and then next weekend is World Championship.

Last year when he asked me what I wanted him to boing me back, I asked for a cowbell. As in, a real cowbell. And you know what I learned? Those things are a lot bigger and legit than the cowbell on a drumset. Cows are big. I hadn’t taken into consideration how The Husband was actually going to obtain said item; that was his problem. I just wanted one.

Further intrigued, some facts came to light: Continue reading

K.I.T.T.-Teh Diary

I’m being terribly lazy.

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I’m being so terribly lazy: Well, *efficient* , I guess. I could’ve cropped it, sure. I could also have posted the second half of the last post.
I just think this one is too clever to *not* publish here. 

Recycling Your Cat ~ Part One

Determining if This Cat Is The One For You

I have a cat (kitten? What’s the cutoff age?) under my butt. Well, Ok. I’m lying on my side in bed (where I tend to do my blogging & interwebbing) and said cat is snuggled up against my butt. Routine: starts out a the foot of the bed cradled between my legs, then with my every shift of my legs the
snuggling continues ad thus follows my movement… so now I’m jammed up at the head of the bed, trying to avoid injuring this Love Sponge.

At least my ass is warm.
Kinda like those Japanese heated toilet seats… OK, maybe not so much.
It’s a good thing I haven’t eaten Flatulence Food. Although we (The Husband & yours truly) did so to FP ~ as an “experiment” to find out the extent of her weakening olfactory sense…

Um. Yes.

Really.

Her reaction?
Keep reading… Continue reading

Vegematarian Goodness

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*Wrote this a month(?) ago… apologies; ADHD, then SA took over. My Rx was tweaked yesterday so fingers crossed, the change will help me put more of my thoughts out into the universe.

That’s assuming You People (readers, followers, groupies Holy crap, how did I end up at this
topic?

And that’s why you’re confused right now reading this.
*shrug*

Vegetarian.

I’m vegematarian. This, ladies and (gentle)men is so much awesomesauce.

Disclaimer:

A)The following article contains subjects that may cause fragile egos to … crack? Not crumble entirely per se, but the visual makes me wonder what the physical attributes of An Ego are.

B) Should it be that you’re unfamiliar with The Question For Vegematarians That Meat Comsuming Enthusiasts Just Absolutely Ask, my following BlahBlahBlah will probably be… BlahBlahBlah to you. (Lateral  Reference: Far Side “Ginger” comic
. Tell the world you know what I’m talking/writing/blogging/whateverI’mdoing about & bang out your words below (or leave greasy prints on your screen… whatever. Each commenter will earn 83 Awesome Points. SO worth it.)

C) My meds have run out. BOOYAH. My meds kicked in as they were supposed to and I felt like setting something on fire, I was so bored. Seriously, being neurotypical is *that* dull?Cripes. It’s a delicate, delicate balance. When it comes down to it, eff neurotypical. Just short of normal, just enough teaspoons of LD, SA, ADHD & MENSA
candidacy makes it keeps my mind awesome & my life interesting fascinating mindblowing. Typical normalcy sucks.
So um yeah.
Not on meds, maintenent, cet moment.
I’ve been vegematarian for over a decade (I could do the math, but my fingers are busy typing/pressing right now. Serious.)

Huh?

Oh right. Just giving you hecklers a moment to get your ~ by now~ tiresome and soapbox declarations out so those of us who *don’t* feel threatened (when their dietary choices are brought up in discourse and use blatantly obvious defense mechanisms which are an attemp to self-reassure themseles. I might have a LD, but I’m pretty good at Connect The Logic Dots. I digress, which is I think redundant, seeing that this Blah Blah Blah is within paretheses. ADHD: 3 pointer on this one. Threatened, LD & grammar derailment.)

…out of your (fragile egocentric) system.

Hey, I’m still waiting for the classic reply: I’m a vegetarian too. I had one lunch/dinner/snack/recovery snack to replenish my protein reserve.” Oh so witty quip.

News flash:
Recycling such phrase to Prove your point (which is exactly what, a way?) doesn’t reeeaaallly do much for your crusade.

I actually get off (Calm down. Figuratively people. Shit. Grow up.) when You Meat Eaters (sic.) ask me The Question when my dietary choices are revealed. Not the reason (most of) you think ~ for the love of being righteous and defending exploited animals (and fish etc.). That’s part of it.

My reason is more … well, I wouldn’t go as far as ‘sinister’ (in the context of Neurotypical Beings), more like…

manipulative?
Cynicism?

Ooooo… I’m a big fan of cynicism & proud to be a cynic.

The convo proceeds as such:
Meatatanian (M): You’re vegetarian?…
Me: Yup.
M: Why?
Me: I watched the PETA video of animals being bred for the sole reason to be killed. I did the research.

So,
the reason… thanks for reading patiently (? I’ll just assume so ~ just to make myself feel better, ignorance is bliss… & all that) is I don’t take the bait to engage in argument 1aa÷n2n5ⁿ4¨n Meat Eaters

I Miss You Kitteh

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Sunday September 7, 2014

Dear FancyPants (a.k.a. Cleo)

I hope all is catnip and squishy food over The Rainbow Bridge.  Be careful of substance abuse. I’m not particularly worried since your sense of smell was weak, thus dampening the effect. Sucks to be you. I hear when you’re (you, as in Cat) high on the ‘nip it essentially the big O. Yeah. that’s what I wrote. You missed out.

The Man Human says that he still sees you around out of the corner of his eye. Those Fancy Pants a millisecond after you find a cozy hiding place; Or feeling you brushing past against his leg. Looks down. You’re not there.

We know you visit to make sure we don’t forget you. How could we? Your pictures are all over the place and you’re my FaceBook header and profile pic sometimes. (Yes, I know you think my profile picture should always be of you. SorryNotSorry. I do have other things going on, you know. sheesh.)

Oops, your favourite ADHDH showed up…I know you’re mocking me as you read this. Can felines even read? -more> Suspension of disbelief it is.

What was I saying (writing? typing?)…

Oh. Right. You visiting us because you miss us.

Sometimes I see you just as you finish turning the corner. I’d know that stumpy tail anywhere. So, thanks for letting us know you’re still with us, eaven if for a mere glitch in Time.

I hope you don’t take this personally; Man Human said He thinks he’s ready for another cat. That he misses having a cat. Uh,you. I mean he misses havingyouaround. Me? I felt guilty for wanting to having another feline. How do you know when you’re ready to move on? Of course not to replace you. But because I’m lonely at home while Man Human is away for work.

It was really comforting to have you at home the past year. Sure, you kept your distance and sat at the foot of the bed, facing the doorway as Head of Premesis Security, Manx that you are.The fact that you came to sit with me on the bed helped me feel less alone. I’m touched that you graced me with your presence. No really.

It also made me feel like I mattered. You relied on me for sustenance. And Temptations. (You know it’s a fact).Don’t worry I’ll keep my mouth shut about having to rely on ~heaven forbid~ a Human for survival.

Social Anxiety is a paradox, isn’t it? I’m so anxious about other thinking of me negatively to the point where I housebound for over a year, and yet I bitch that I feel lonely.

It’s not as if Man Human didn’t ask me to go out and do stuff. I was asked to help with grocery shopping, running errands and keep him company in the car, to stop by a friend’s house… I know it’s been really hard for him to watch me wilt; from the familiar outgoing and friendly Woman Human to how I am now. He comes home from work to see me still in bed, or on a good day, I’ll be out of bed and showered, watching TV, or something productive.The majority of the time it’s the former.

No motivation to do anything because it all so overwhelming. Pointless. And the Social Anxiety makes it so stressful that it takes deep breathing and self talk before I can return a call. Getting out of the house to get the mail? More often than not just the thought of getting out of bed causes paralysis of will.

I don’t answer my phone if I don’t recognize the number. That’s normal? It worse than just avoiding the call; listening to the voice mail used to have me so tense I didn’t realize I was literally holding my breath when I did manage to access my voicemail…mailbox. I knew that listening to the messages reant that I’d have to follow up or remind me that I have social obligations. Whole new level of avoidance – even the *thought* of having to not only return the call, I’d have to apologize for the delay in following up. I figured if I didn’t listen to the messages, then I wouldn’t be faced with Real Life.

Being /feeling oblighted to talk to people who were ridiculing me or irresponsible, rude, disrespectful – take your pick – left me paralyzed.

Yet I wanted – no, yearned to be confident enough to go out; do stuff like take a walk, ride my road bike whiche I haven’t ridden in two years. I was even feeling guilty that I was letting The Husband down.

I know it hurt him that Social Anxiety was like an invisible force keeping me locked in the house, my bed. It did feel like that, going to get the mail was a task I had to give myself a freaking peptalk. Thinking about how isolated I felt was an extra pile of shit to weigh me down, so I my brain basically shut down and went into fight or flight mode. Flight – avoiding -always won. It’s making me nauseous remembering how bad it was. I know, I know, you’re itching to Bitchslap some (O.K. more than some) sense into me.

I hear you loud and clear:

Suck it up Princess, pull up your Big Girl Panties & fucking make Social Anxiety your bitch.

– matter-of-factly, of course. If only it was that simple. I’m trying though. It’s a little bit easier now that my meds have been adjusted. Even from the grave (figuratively), Your Highness Queen of the Seymour River Jungle, your superiority finds its way into My Psyche. How do you do that ~ telepathic power? Can all cats do that? Oooo, Sense of Humour just showed up. Good indication that I’m feeling better for sure. For now.

Yet, you know Eternal Cynic Within Me is pointing out

If not for that “downward spiral” shit to being housebound, I wouldn’t have been home in your last days, your last hours.

I would’ve come back from going to the store maype, to find you seizing. Or worse. You gotta I’m so glad I was there to hold you so you knew how much we loved you. How much we wished you could live forever.

Now that you’re gone, The Voice of Reason is taking your vncancy saying: FancyPants doesn’t need your help anymore.

Stop trying to be the hero, stop playing the victim; whichever is convenient at the time. Who’s *really* keeping you prisoner inside this huh?

Zing. Point taken.

You and The Voice of Reason make a ridiculously strong team. Have you two considered starting up a law practise together? Right. You don’t “play well with others” because you prefer your indepence. See? Sense of Humour keeps me from falling down into that Downward Spiral (why is it a spiral?).

I like making people smile, I miss joking around with people

You know what? It is time to stop Bullshit Excuses. I owe it to you, for using you, I guess. Oh, sorry; I’m not guessing, I know it’s time to stop and reevaluate.

And before you telepathically bestow me your feined hurtful expression, I will add that I do owe it to you for poking, prodding…harrassing you the past 8 years. I know no matter how indignant you act, that deep down you needed Man Human and I as much as we needed you to make life better. I’ve known it all along. I may (or may not) have felt guilty whenever I subjected you to photoshoots with the crocheted “crap” ~ as you call it ~ on you. Sorry about the sweater. I didn’t realize that the yarn was going to make it so stiff you’d tip over when you tried to lie down. I gotta say though, the glare from you was hilarious. And so was the helplessness after you realized you were basically screwed.You have to admit, the crocheted pylon was genius, despite once again, being subjected to your glare.

Right, I’ll get to the point. I can sense your amused expression – ADHD amuses you so much. I know you and ADHD enjoy hanging out. But guess what, *FancyPants*? I don’t mind it so much because ADHD makes it fun to laugh at myself. And yes, *FacePalm* still does make an appearance even now that you’re not here to keep my sense of humour intact. I’ll let *FacePalm* know you say hi. (You’re welcome.)

I gotta get on with my day.

Thanks for helping me sort through my…*issues*:

* it’s OK to get another cat after you’ve died.When we feel ready.

* Sense of Humour and Voice of Reason will help me out. Keep them close by.

* Stay away from Cynic and Excuse(s), they’ll drag me into their dark side

*Suck it up, pull up your Big Girl Panties & fucking make Social Anxiety your bitch. (insert Bitchslap here)

* ADHD is actually more fun than I realize.

* ADHD+SoH+*FP* =NinjaCrew to Make SA My Bitch (N.C.T.M.S.A.M.B.)

Don’t be a stranger,

Your Woman Human

P.S. Man Human is back Tues we’ll call Linda to sprinkle your ashes where you loved lounging like the Feline Queen of the Seymour River that you are; we’re on it. Aren’t you glad you didn’t end up in the freezer until the ground thawed out like she did to Randy? You khow, if you miss him, we can bury you with him. Yeah, I’m joking.

My Universe Back In Order

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Bestest Friend who evokes that cozy, fluffy straight-out-of-the-dryer-smelling-like-all-that-was-glorious-from-within-memories-of-childhood-ignorance is like a nice day with that Glowing Orb In The Sky perfect for supervising from my Security Watchtower.

It’s 1:44am and I hear the fridge humming, the pipes settling, but the best ever sound is the deep, even breathing of The Husband beside me in bed. I’ve been perusing the Inteweb (read: Buzzfeed Will Be The Death of Me. Future post?), the past hour or so, relishing (vs. ketchup-ing. 51 Awesome Points if you caught that one)… umm…

Right. Ketchup and relish. Interweb Buzzfeed sucked in.

shakes fist at Buzzfeed

Breathing.

His breathing.

Beside me.

Finally.

He’d been away for 20 days, the longest we’ve been apart in years. The Husband is My Bestest Friend. One of those Bestest Friends that Continue reading

The Et Cetera Of Life

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Preface/warning/apologies
I was sure I posted this, but I’m so confused with this so I’m posting it.
**********
Where oh where to begin? So much to mention. While tempted to resort to the Easy Way Out (partially ADHD & partially SA to blame. I can prove it. Try me.) and *pre-write* posts to be published on chosen dates, considering that option SA tapped my shoulder and taunts But that’s the coward’s way out. Shut up SA, whilst brandishing my ninja sword at SA’s neck. Wait, that’s …ew. (Distraction [ADHD] Monitoring Score: ADHD:1) Wonderful. SA & ADHD are joining forces once again. Where’s my Lightsaber?

Scratch the above.
Too much in my head, to address all topics would result in a blog post of an unbearable length.
So, here’s the first topic, on which the title is

based.

The Et Cetera of Life

So I have a bunch of achievements. goals, aspirations in my life. ~Don’t we all?

Continue reading